Dark Clouds

Image Source: Personal Artwork

Image Source: Personal Artwork

By Ailyn Soriano – 9th Grade 1st Place Finalist

Depression is a topic that not many people like to talk about because it puts many in a vulnerable place. One moment you’re happy, then all of a sudden you feel this cloud of sadness overtake your body. Talking to someone who doesn’t experience these emotions doesn’t  understand why you just can’t be happy. If it were that easy, a lot of people would never be sad, but these are emotions that one just can’t explain. Depression makes us feel helpless, but it also feels like the sadness is never going to end. I believe that depression will not dictate how I live my life. 

Quarantine was a time that I wish I could just erase from my mind. That was a point in my life where I just felt worthless. I felt alone and no one really understood why, but to be completely honest, I myself didn’t know why I was feeling this way. I stayed in my room the majority of the time and I was forced to go out even though I didn’t want to go anywhere. I had no motivation to do anything, I didn’t even have the motivation to get ready. My sister was a first year college student at the time and I knew that at some point she was going to leave, but I didn’t appreciate the time I had with her before she left. It got to the point where I didn’t even have the motivation to speak. That’s when I realized that my depression was overcoming my body. 

Having no motivation to do anything was affecting my mental health and everyone around me. School wasn’t a priority anymore, I stopped doing homework and did everything at the last minute. I was never the person to get very good grades, but I also wasn’t the one who failed. I started to notice that my parents were being affected by the way I was acting and I could see the hurt in my mother’s eyes when she talked to me. I’m sure my mom felt like she failed as a mother but she never did anything for me to feel this way. Online school didn’t help, but now that school is in person, I can feel my motivation starting to rise. I now realize that there are many kids out there who felt the same way during quarantine. I’m not sure what it was that made all of us feel like we were stuck in a dark hole.

I believe that depression will not dictate how I live my life. Depression made me feel worthless, but it also taught me how to manage my emotions. Many kids are affected by this, and we have to understand that there’s not always a reason why we feel these emotions. One day we can be happy and the next we can feel helpless. It’s important to be understandable and listen to others, because we don’t know if there’s a dark cloud following them around.